so you really don't give a crap what gandpa wanted...

I cried like a ridiculous child the other day at work...because i have never in my life felt so helpless for myself and for my pateint! This particular patient had a living will which denoted a healthcare surrogate should he become incapacitated and stated his wishes regarding "life saving" techniques.  Let me say that i HATE PEG tubes...putting them in...cleaning them...feeding people through them...because USUALLY we're just prolonging their misery...and USUALLY it was the family's decision to place the peg tube! So I was bumbling through my patient's chart...and i was admittedly looking for a reason to cancel the surgery! As i bumbled i came across his living will which stated VERY clearly that he did NOT wish to have a feeding tube under any circumstances....RED FLAG! I really didn't want to do the case in the first place...but HELLO HE DOESN"T WANT IT!!!!  I was already told that the healthcare surrogate had signed the consent form...I am disgusted that a healthcare surrogate can override a patient's living will and do anything that they want!!!
I informed the surgeon of the living will...and umm...he didn't care. he gets paid either way right? and nobody starves to death on his watch!
Patient rolls into preop holding along with the healthcare surrogate and some other family member...patient is in fact fairly incapacitated...myself and my manager introduce ourselves to the healthcare surrogate and begin talking with her...i ask her if she knew the patient had a living will...umm...of course she knew, how else did she get free reign over his quality of life!!! So i show it to her. I ask her to read the part about feeding tubes...she obviously doesn't quite understand...she gets that one must have nutrition to stay alive and that is what the feeding tube does...she just can't understand that the sentence "I do NOT want a feeding tube placed....." means that she shouldn't let us put in a feeding tube. I reiterate this and reword it and do everything but get down on my knees and beg her not to let us put the feeding tube into the patient. She still wanted to proceed. I left. I cried and threw a pity party for me and my patient and how morally and ethically and just plain old wrong this was. I called our risk management departent to no avail, the healthcare surrogate legally has the right to do this. I came back to the preop area...all puffy faced and red eyed...finished preparing the patient and took him to endo. I cried when I read the time out...I cried as I helped place the peg tube...I cried when we were done...and I cried when I dropped him off in PACU...I simply could not keep it together. How could this woman know and see it in black and white that this patient did not want this...and yet she still wanted it!!! HOW?
 My coworkers informed me that my problem was that i still care....is this what healthcare has become? nurses should be automated little robots, carrying around their computers, not caring what the patient wants, simply performing tasks, focusing on legalities instead of patient wishes?

god? yep...i'm pretty sure that was him

So every morning I drive into the parking lot of the hospital, turn off my car, and pray...just a quick little prayer thanking god for whatever i happen to feel thankful for that morning, to guide our surgeons' hands, to be with our patients and their families, to help us all extend the healing ministry of christ (i know it's cheesy, it's our hospital's mission statement, haha, but it always seems to fit) and anything else i feel like i can squeeze in there. This morning for some reason I asked God to use me in whatever way I could be used, and for the strength to actually do whatever i was asked. Not a strange prayer for most, but for me it was and i didn't think anything of it until i reflected upon my day.
My patient is scared to death lying on the OR table, literally seconds away from being anesthetized...she asks if there's a priest in house ( i immediately panic because i think she wants her last rites or something...i was like geez lady you are NOT dying in my OR) I told her that we always have one that we can call who can come in to see her, she informed me that she really just wanted to pray with someone before her surgery...I told her that it was probably a little late to get a priest in before her surgery but that we could pray with her if she wanted. So there we were, me, the patient, and the anesthesiologist we all held hands and i led us in prayer...now i realize that most people have probably led someone in prayer a billion times...but for me this was a first..i don't think i've ever prayed out loud before, let alone leading someone in prayer...so this was a big deal for me especially since i struggle with my faith on a regular basis and still don't quite have prayer quite figured out! I have the priveledge of working in a seventh day adventist hospital where religion and spirituality surround me and i think that this has had a huge impact on my faith. And maybe i'm a little over excited about this...but i felt like today was a big step for me...and i now have something else in my arsenal to help me to comfort my patients. Today i felt like i asked god to use me...and he did!

yes i AM a nurse...that is what i'm paid to do...AT WORK!!!

So yes...I am a nurse...and yes i love being a nurse...it is a part of who i am...it is not simply a job...it's my life. however...i simply can not stand it when strangers approach me and want to show me god knows what and ask things like does this look infected? or tell me your symptoms...and expect me to diagnose you...isn't that what your doctor is for? and don't you pay him for that? and doesn't he get to run about 53 tests before he diagnoses you...weirdo stranger person!!! 
I have decided that i'm going to start telling people that i am anything but a nurse when i meet them...maybe that i'm a cosmetologist...at a funeral home!!!
My neighbor spurred this...before i describe that extremely awkward conversation let me say that if my neighbor called me for help because his wife was having a heart attack i'd be there in a minute, happy to help. but that was not the case...i was walking my dog and my creepy neighbor stopped me to talk...he registers about a 7/10 on the creep-o-meter (at first glance he seems ok...then after a minute you get that feeling in your gut to run)...conversation starts off normal enough...talked about my puppy...blah blah blah...and then he said..."i have to ask you something, professionally" and i knew i was in trouble...he followed this up with "i need to have something removed and i don't want to go where my woman works to have it done" oh lord help me now...he then describes that he once had 3 pearls put beneath the skin on his penis to increase his partner's sexual pleasure! OH MY GOD this was awkward!!! so i told him to call a urologist...i'm not sure what he was going for...like an "oh yeah...i'll bring home some local anesthesia from work and i can take them out for you in my garage!" eeewwwwww!!!
These strange things happen all the time when people find out you're a nurse...one day i was getting a pedicure and the nail lady showed me her brand new boobs when nobody was looking...really?! what would possess you to show a total stranger that!!!!
I mean if you need help, I understand and am usually happy to help...but keep your boobs, sexual practices, and infected whatevers to yourself for God's sake!!!